Back to School...

Freshman orientation.

It's just one of those unescapable and unfortunate realities, made that much worse by not actually being a freshman. I don't remember exactly embracing the whole process as a true college freshman...much less as a college student five years down the road from that point. It's obviously unnecessary to say that I felt old, but I also encountered a reality that I didn't expect:

I felt out of place.

"Noooo!"

I thought.

But there it was -- reality. No perfect fit, no lightning bolts, no instant connections, no emotional high. Just reality. I found myself in a room filled with starry-eyed, eager, perhaps overly outgoing (we're talking theatre majors here, after all) freshmen. Even as freshman, however, most of them had a better theatrical resume than me -- and besides that, they were theater people, an obvious fit for the program they had chosen. And although the reality was no doubt overplayed by the sensitivities of my own mind, it was still obvious that I'm not exactly that way. Not exactly a fit. Not exactly the natural choice for where I was at.

All these observations and realizations were too much for me...so they were followed closely by a somewhat frustrated prayer.

"God, what am I supposed to be all about? Shouldn't there be something that I'm just a fit for? Something that I'm just naturally supposed to do and do well? What's my thing? What am I supposed to be all about?"

Fortunately, there was a quick answer.

"The only thing you're supposed to be all about is Me."

Oooh. That makes sense. I don't know what the deal is with all these "in between" feelings, all of these musings about where I'm to connect and fit and be, but if the point is for me to learn this better, than ok -- I'm on board. More than that, I'm all about it.